This sucks.

I'm riding a big grief wave today.  The antidepressants are starting to take their toll, three days in and I'm extremely tearful.....possibly better than the numbness I felt yesterday? I'm not sure. Physically they are making me nauseous, shaky and a racing heart.  I've been given a beta blocker to counteract that.  I don't like taking medications, and certainly don't want to be taking pills to counteract the pills, but I committed to this so I'm ploughing on and following the advice.  

I was a little foolish earlier and phoned the stone masons to organise a plaque for Mark's resting place.  It's one of the final bits of sad-min to do and I wanted it boxed off.  I completely broke down on the phone; the poor man was lovely and suggested I call him back.  Cue a text to my mum to ask her to do it for me.  I should be stressing over his Christmas gift not a memorial stone. FFS. 

Facebook keeps showing me ads for memorial jewellery.  And singles holidays. And life insurance. Gee, thanks. I suppose I should be grateful it's not family holidays.  I'm debating the jewellery. They can now engrave his handwriting apparently. Seems a nice idea, maybe I'll treat myself for Christmas.  But I'm having a griefy day today.  Another day I may feel like throwing it at the wall.


 

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