Widow Brain

It's an actual thing you know.  Honestly- you can google it. I read an article about it yesterday.  It compared the unexpected death of a partner to a traumatic brain injury-in terms of the trauma and the time to recovery.   It was an interesting read, but also validating and importantly, reassuring.  So it's normal and expected that I can't concentrate; that I have constant brain fog; forget where my keys/phone/wallet are several times a day; went to queue for coffee and cake at M&S cafe and left my purse at the table; rarely know what day it is let alone what I'm meant to be doing.  Thank goodness for my kitchen whiteboard is all I can say. 

It's also reassured me around feeling that returning to work is a long way off.  You start to worry, when every other person you see asks you if you're back at work/when you're planning to go back....when your in laws categorically tell you to back because "that's how you heal" FFS.  The reality is, at work I need to concentrate. If I mess up, someone could lose vision.  I don't even know if I want to go back.  Obviously I need to earn a living, but part of me just wants to run away and start something new.  But new also takes concentration. And meeting new people, and explaining my story.   Same is safer, and easier in a lot of ways. Just not yet. 

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