On the societal view of lament

Today I read a post on my widowed group from a guy who's wife died by suicide a couple of months ago.  He was saying that he's going to stop the arguing in his head, she is gone and it's a waste of energy. Today is a new day and he's going to live it! 

2 months in.

Now I'm not suggesting that he is wrong, or its too soon, or that I in any way know him better than he knows himself. We all grieve differently and we all process differently, of course.   What struck me was the comments on the post. Every single one congratulated him on the "big step forward" or the "positive post" or "sounds like you're healing and moving forwards" ie, the same mix of comments he could expect from wider society.  And it makes me wonder, why do we as a society so highly value the "moving on" and "moving forward" and "carving a new life" and "being positive" ....the sooner the better? 

What about the value in lament?  In taking time to digest what has happened, process shock, regroup, cry/scream/wail/bargain/just generally be sad? To come out the other side reformed, strengthened and yes, moving forwards.    I'm not making my point very well.  Of course we aren't going to congratulate a person for lamenting.......but we could perhaps congratulate them for putting one foot in front of the other, despite their lament? I'm just unsure why a person saying "I'm fine now, I'm moving on" should prompt celebration and congratulation,  be it after a month, a year, or a decade......I feel we are missing the point.  The end goal of grief isn't to survive it and be back to normal.  It's to honour what was, lament the loss, be reformed and reshaped and to grow. 

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